Psychic, Medium & Akashic Soul Care Practitioner
My Name is Rowan.
My name is Rowan. This sounds obvious, but this has not always been my name. The name I had previously signifies my other life and I’m no longer that person. In March 2018, I changed my name to show the significance of cutting the final cord and letting go of my old life.
I have a younger brother. We are adopted and not biologically related and we haven’t spoken since 2008. My parents didn’t really want children. We were adopted because they believed, once you were married, the next step was children.
Both were abusive alcoholic narcissists. Broken and damaged. They lived to hate each other. My mother lived to hate me. She poured all the hate and bitterness she had for my father onto me. She took every opportunity to let me know what a complete failure and disappointment I was. “You’re not pretty, you’re just fat” was a favourite and many many others.
My father drank outside of the house and came home almost every night so drunk he could barely walk. He had his license taken away twice. Didn’t stop him. He could barely speak when he got home. If he could, he would yell at me “what is 9x3” or “what is the capital of Canada”. I was so terrified, I always got the answer wrong and he levelled his insults at me. “Always knew you were stupid”, “No wonder you are a failure in school.”
I moved to Toronto in 2001 trying to run away from the shadows. But they always find you. After a complete breakdown in 2003, I began therapy and attending Adult Children of Alcoholics. My life changed.
But the memories began to surface. I was 7 when one of my mothers’ colleagues sexually molested me. We were at their house, and he did this in a bedroom while everyone was in the living room. I remember being terrified and I couldn’t understand why he was touching me that way. What was worse, I knew I could not tell my parents because they would never believe me. They always said I told lies and was far too dramatic. So, I kept it a secret and suppressed the memory.
Through therapy, I began to take my power back and understand none of this was my fault. Slowly, my light grew stronger. I had coping skills.
The car accident happened in 2005 on the way to a conference. It was raining and a car on the other side of the road lost control and began spinning towards me. I remember hearing a voice in my left ear – turn the car to the right and you will be fine. I turned the steering wheel to the right. I remember hearing a big explosion as all the air bags deployed, then silence. Then the screaming started. My passenger, who I picked up that morning, was injured. I had a swollen hand.
As I stood on the side of the road with all the emergency vehicles, firemen, policeman and paramedics, telling me if I had not turned the car, the accident would have been so much worse.
This was my turning point. Everything came at me all at once. Standing on the side of the street with paramedics, police and firemen all around me. I had been saved for a reason. Worthless as I was, I was saved by an angel. It was like being hit by lightning. I became fully awake in that moment.
I needed to make a move. I wasn’t going to waste this divine opportunity. I quit my job and moved back to Calgary in 2006.And the second half of my life began.
After years of trying to hold onto and mend the toxic relationship with my family, only to be met with resistance every time, in 2008, I decided to stop speaking to my parents. Because of this, my brother stopped speaking to me.
Time to set a boundary and honour myself for the first time ever. For me it was the only way and the first step in recognizing my true worth. And there were going to be consequences. Taking back my power was going to cost me. I wasn’t sure what that would be. I found out in 2018 when my mother died.
I had no idea until an old friend of the family told me. I looked up the obituary and yes, it was true. However, I was not mentioned at all in the obituary. Not a word. It was as though I had been wiped off the earth. At first, I felt rejected but then again, I chose to end the relationship. They were angry bitter people and it made sense they would want to continue hurting me even after death! My father died the following March. Again, no mention of me.
I found myself feeling sorry for them. I had spent my life trying to be something I could never be to them. I realized their brokenness did not have to be mine and I would not allow them to have power and control over me – not anymore. I found a way to forgive myself and them, and by doing so, set myself FREE!
I had been told many times that my story would be a light in the dark for other and I spent my entire life trying to run away and forget what happened to me.
And here I am. After dragging myself out a dark hole, I now stand in my full light. Knowing I am powerful, beautiful, intelligent, and so worthy.
I now have embraced the gifts I had as a child of intuition and clairvoyance. As I moved though the last 23 years of spiritual awakening, I was able to honor my shadows, my pain and I have learned to love ALL parts of me!
In 2014, I became a Usui Reiki Master/Teacher and my journey has not stopped, I am now a Soul Care coach and specialize in the Akashic Records. I allow my experiences to be a true light for others. The earth angels who have come into my life have shown me that I too am an earth angel with the ability to be the light to heal the shadows. I am honored to have been through my experience and grateful my struggle can now be a light for others.